It's all your fault Mum....or is it?

Growing up with an Eating Disorder in the 1980s most of us were lead to believe, by the conventional wisdom at the time, that Anorexia Nervosa and other Eating Disorders were the by product of some sort of dire Family Dysfunction. You developed an Eating Disorder because somewhere, somehow you're Parents had done something wrong and the Eating Disorder was a conscious or unconscious (depending on your point of view) way of dealing with that fact.

I held to this (now) outdated belief for many years. After all it was what I had been "taught" to believe, any book written on the subject at the time always seemed to emphasise the role of the family (and of the Mother in particular). I believed that all I had to do was to work out exactly what went wrong, accept it, deal with it and in time all would be well. There would be an almost "light bulb" moment of realisation where the veil was drawn back and suddenly everything would be clear, things could be worked through and all would be right with the world once again. I am not going to speak for anyone elses situation, but for me personally I no longer believe any of the above to be the case....and trust me if anyone has a reason to blame their Parents for their Eating Disorder I would be a pretty good candidate, seeing as a description of my family reads like a Hilde Bruch Case Study.

So what changed my mind? a number of things. First of all the fact that plenty of other people are raised in similar or even worse situations and don't go on to develop an Eating Disorder...Second of all the fact that there is now (in my opinion) overwhelming evidence of a Neurobiological component to Anorexia Nervosa (in particular) and Third (and most of all) the fact that I have spent countless hours over many years, both in Therapy and through my own personal soul searching, understanding all the nuances of my Family history, interaction, problems et al, what if any effects that has had on my emotional development/development and continuation of my Eating Disorder and for the most part have dealt with/come to an understanding of it. And none of it, not one shred of this knowledge or understanding has made one iota bit of difference to whether I continue to suffer from Anorexia or not.

So what do I now believe to be the most likely cause of Anorexia Nervosa within me? Quite simply I believe my Anorexia is a Biological Anomaly which has become a Maladaptive Coping Mechanism. Unlike the vast majority of people on this planet starvation for me is exceedingly pleasant, it produces a real feeling of calm and stability within me which goes beyond just the psychological aspects into the realms of an actual physical feeling of tranquility and centredness. It is not unlike the effects that someone else may experience upon taking an Anxiolytic (anti-anxiety) type medication. Over many years it has been easy for me to respond to stress, anxiety and other stressful emotions or issues with starvation because, quite simply, I know it's going to work to relieve those feelings, and thus overtime it has become almost like a learned behaviour for me, a maladaptive coping mechanism in response to any and all negative stresses et al because it is what I know will provide relief.

Based on this realisation/knowledge, in future both my own personal and therapeutic work towards (one day hopefully) overcoming this illness will be twofold. 1), restoring my weight and nutritional health back to a level which is normal and healthy for my individual circumstances (age, metabolism, build etc) and 2) discovering, learning and putting into practice healthier ways of coping with stress, anxiety et al until the compulsion to starve in response to negative emotions etc is no longer my default choice of coping.